This article is designed to make the reader feel at ease within themselves. It is about allowing ourselves to return to emotional wellness through a totally different approach to inner resistance. This approach is surrender. A total acceptance of our inner state allows us to melt away any internal suffering we may experience. When we experience internal suffering and we practice surrender, it doesn’t mean we instantly burn away the toxic feelings. It means we allow them to be as they are without wanting to escape from them. Paradoxically, when we practice this approach instead of trying to fight, we actually allow the toxicity of our feelings to eventually fade away without effort. Sure, it takes practice at the start to change the way we approach our inner world of thoughts and feelings. That’s only because we’ve made resistance a habit. Now we have to practice a new habit. The habit of internal surrender. Just with any thing we repeat (practice) overtime, it will become second nature and new connections will be formed in our brain.
I have included some of my favourite quotes from the book Undisturbed: A Guide to Emotional Wellness by Adam Oakley. This book is completely counter-intuitive meaning that it goes entirely against the grain of what we are normally told or what we instinctively practice when it comes to dealing with our inner world of thoughts and feelings. I trust you will gain great value from this article… enjoy!
Quotes taken from Undisturbed: A Guide to Emotional Wellness.
“Whenever we feel any kind of pain – physical or emotional – we tend to reject it. We tend to try to get rid of it through internal resistance. The resistance is the thing that makes us suffer. We then become in conflict with the present moment. The pain is there, and we are resisting it. Resistance has no healing quality, it just makes pain worse.
We can read spiritual or self-help books, listen to different teachers, and often a theme is to be at peace, cool and calm. Then, if we feel an emotion, such as anger or some kind of resistance, we can end up resisting even more, since the mind believes it is “bad” or “should not be happening”. Enough conditioning, spiritual or otherwise. Forget what you have learned about emotion.
Be unnatural and simply no longer argue with pain. If it is there, to fight it makes it worse. Surrender your desire for the pain to be gone. The desire for the pain to be gone is what makes you suffer most. No longer wish it to be different. No longer wish it to be gone. No longer wish to escape from it. If resistance is still there, let this be there as well, no longer wish or expect things to be otherwise, and allow fully. See what happens.
When you accept your suffering or emotional disturbances as if you have chosen to feel this way, suddenly there is a new energy that arises in you. You are no longer resisting and feeding the suffering, but transmuting it into greater peace through your radical acceptance. I cannot stress enough the power of acceptance over any negative emotional state. When you completely accept it as it is and do not even desire to change it, it miraculously changes all by itself.
It is not the emotional turmoil that causes most suffering, it is the natural urge to want the emotional disharmony to be gone that causes such anguish. No longer wish it to be gone, even welcome it. This can have miraculous results.
We like to believe that we should be able to stop feeling anything unpleasant through some sort of resistance or interference with our emotions. Strangely, interfering does the opposite – it gives our thoughts and emotions strength. Surrender takes their authority and power away.
Let it be. Know that it is okay to feel these feelings. Completely accept that they are there. Do not resist them or try to think your way out of them When you completely accept feelings like this, straight away they become less unbearable. So many of our problems with anxiety come from a resistance to it.
Whatever you internally fight or analyse internally just gets stronger, it gets more of your belief and interest, which keeps it alive. The antidote is no more conflict. Don’t fight the fighter. Don’t resist resistance. Without resisting your inner state, without calling it good or bad, without wishing it be different – you become more effortless.
One of the biggest obstacles to inner peace is the belief that we should be at peace when our inner state is disturbed. Instead of trying to be at peace, drop any belief that you should feel any particular way. When we believe that this shouldn’t be happening or “I shouldn’t be feeling this way” then we intensify the suffering.
Why does the suffering intensify when we believe we shouldn’t be feeling it? Because we are creating conflict with what is. What is. is our current experience at that moment. So if we are experiencing intense psychological suffering then that it the reality of that immediate moment. Not wanting it to be the way it is, is just futile and does more harm than good. The way to bring ourselves into a feeling of emotional harmony and ease is to no longer want things to be different from how they already are. It’s to longer believe that we should be feeling different from how we already are.
Forget the idea that your mind must be silent. The quickest way for the mind to relax is to no longer put conditions on it. Always allow yourself to feel however you feel.
We really believe that whatever the mind thinks, is true. Of course, it is not true. Thoughts and emotions can be there, but do not take them so seriously. Do not assume they are representatives of truth. When you take each thought and emotion to be the truth of things, you naturally become enslaved. Then when the mind is resisting and judging life, you feel as if the truth is not coming to fruition, that things should not be this way. This is suffering.
Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel without regret or criticism. This is self-forgiveness, which is not weakness as the mind will claim. It is strength and sanity. Be with what is, and see what happens.
Our desire for the emotion to be gone is what creates so much trouble. However you feel – accept it. Accept unhappiness, accept fear or anxiety, without labelling them, without calling them good or bad. Instantly, when you accept the feelings, they are not so bad.”
If you felt at ease whilst reading any of these quotes, then feel free to read my review about this great book. Please also make sure you check out Adam Oakley’s great website called Inner Peace Now. It has ton of resources on how to find inner peace.