Can we really shift from a state of dis-empowerment (during times of psychological suffering) into a state of empowerment? I believe we can. The question is how? After years of experiencing psychological suffering myself I have learnt that the most transcendent approach is to actually live as if we have chosen to experience it. This may sound bizarre to what we normally hear, and that’s because it does. That’s only because popular viewpoints would have us thinking that resistance is the way forward. But all resistance does is pour more fuel onto the fire, metaphorically speaking. Resistance embellishes the already existing negativity. Even though the ‘resistive’ approach sounds more logical and natural, it doesn’t actually help us dissolve the negativity.
It keeps it in place because, again, whatever we are trying to run away from gets stronger. Whatever we resist, we empower. If only I had realised this when I was a child. If only I gave up the fight with trying to reason with my mind and trying to escape from it internally. I would have saved myself from continually falling deeper into the black hole of psychological suffering. Or should I say that I would have saved myself from trying to stop falling into the black hole? By the way, there is no black hole but we don’t find this out until we finally give in to the suffering. Until we let ourselves fall. When we take our hands off the controls and allow ourselves to fall, we unbelievably reclaim our power.
By surrendering to the psychological and emotional turmoil, we find that there is nothing to fear. It’s just a vicious cycle that never amounts to anything bad. It’s only our non-allowance of acceptance that keeps the vicious cycle alive. We fear that something terrible will happen to us if we don’t try and wish it away. We think that we’ll become vulnerable and weak by giving up the fight, but this just isn’t true. It’s safe to say that the embellishment of the suffering was completely unnecessary and avoidable but I wasn’t to know at the time.
So the way to actually dissolve the suffering we experience is to move into it. To welcome it and to accept it as if we want to experience it. As if we have intentionally chosen it. The paradox is that we cannot escape from it by trying to escape from it. It’s the law of opposites at work here. Our energy shifts from dense and negative to a feeling of lightness when we no longer wish the experience of suffering to be any different from the way it is. We dissolve the negativity at the source by accepting the way we feel, not by fighting against it. This is the only method that will dissolve the toxic energy of suffering at it’s core. By continuing to resist the undesirable thoughts and feelings we experience, we are feeding the psychological suffering and are thus keeping the toxicity alive. To starve the suffering of the food it needs to stay alive, we have to turn our backs on the resistive approach and practice non-resistance instead.
We can take the same approach to undesirable situations we often experience in everyday life. Of course it doesn’t mean we have to stay in a bad situation when we can make the required changes to break out of it. But if we don’t remember to catch ourselves getting tied up in a psychological mess during these difficult situations and remind ourselves to internally accept, then we will continue to create inner conflict and turmoil which will make these situations seem far worse than they already are. When we keep our cool, accept the reality of that moment and let go of any inner resistance, we can move forward in our power.
When we trick our psyche into thinking we have chosen this experience because we want to, then it really has no reason to react in a negative way. What power can suffering have over us if we surrender to it? What power can suffering have over us if we convert it into our best friend, into empowerment? We can always, always dissolve the resistance we feel by applying this counter-intuitive approach. By internally saying yes to it. This has never failed me or other people I’ve spoken to about this approach. And I truly feel it never will.
So definitely give this a try yourself. Just practice going the other way to resistance and see how much better you feel compared to that desperation to escape from inner turmoil. It’s the suffering itself which creates the most emotional pain but the desire to escape from it.